rules.of.FREEDOM

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rules
rules
rules
rules
rules

soul.set.free

Hi I'm Melody
18 this year, coming 19. ((:
I'm a Virgo. ((:
I'm born on 4th September
And I wanna be a vet
Birthstone Sapphire. ((:
And morning glory.

speak.your.FREEDOM

I love to express myself. I love dancing.
I love singing. I love animals.
I love modeling. I love reading!
I love French people. I love the language Spanish
I love my piano. I love my 200 dollars racket.
I love my crazy family. I love my dearest friends.
I love him, Jesus. I love witting love poems.
I love the warmth in making people smile.
I love people who love me. HAHA.
I love people who are true to their hearts.

join.the.FREED

free one
free two
free three
free four
free five
free six
free seven
free eight
free nine
free ten

express.FREEDOM

three years of sad confinement
my life is finally falling into alignment
i run out of the cage to greet the sun
and to my new home i will run
fall to the soft grass and heck care to the world
this long awaited life will unfurl
close my eyes and smile so deeply
with the wind blowing so swiftly
a gentle feeling;
yet such twist
the scent of freedom
it does exist...

unfreed.PAST

March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009

freedom.SONG

credits: playlist.com

thanks.for.FREE

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Today I pondered on the meaning of friendship.
Is our friendship really that fragile?
After 7 years of us. I thought I knew better.
But as years pass by. Seems. Like, it's fading real slowly.
We don't share stuff like we used to anymore.
Or hang out like we used to anymore. Just the two of us.
And troubles and problems. Be it yours or mine. are bring pushed aside and all.
Or rather. We don't even tell each other anymore and stuffs.
I feel extremely detached to you. And maybe it's my fault.
For being real busy and all. )): I'm not exactly sure why.



All i know is. This friendship's really worth saving.
And babe, i'm reaching out a hand asking.

Will you do it with me? ((((:

------------------------------------------------------------

I reached home at 6am last night. Hell mad.
And I'm up already. -.-


Last night. I realised. I'm not over it yet.
I think it will be a good long while before I actually am.
My neighbor reasoned it's because of that. Yah. That that.
That's why I can't get over him.

I don't know. Maybe?



I haven't seen someone so alike me before. Serious.
In terms of character and all. I have never seen someone so like me till yest.
just that she's friendlier. haha. ((:


I'm so tempted to get extensions again?


Melody

define.FREEDOM

Dance the night away.

define.FREEDOM

It isn't June yet and my schedule's packed already. Everyday. :D
Nah. I'm happy. I like it that way. ((:
But since it's the hols. I got more time.
So call me people. I wanna go out. Get drunk. Go clubs. Go session. Go beaches.
Kor I can even crash your lecture at Sp. HAHA. ((:


Got roadshow~~
From 12th to 15th June.
Photoshoot~~
The Sunday thereafter.


I wanna expand my social circle~~


Move move move move move move move move move move move move move move move,
Just gotta move.
I'm just internally pissed with myself,
Melody

define.FREEDOM

Emptiness.
Tearing.
Heartbreak.
Stabbed.
Insecurity.
Falling .
Climbing.
Tumbling again.
Scaling again.
Tripping again.
Finally Happiness.
Losing.
Lost.
Emptiness again.
..
..


It's a process. Life is a process.

My dance cui away. It's my confidence.
I can't excatly be very confident after what happened no?


Eveerything's falling apart. For me.
My family, My dance. What next?


I won't give up on both.
I'd start from scratch if I have to.
Cause I love them, and nothing comes free, I'd fight to keep both of them.
No matter how idiotically pain it can get. I'd forgive him.
But I won't let him injure me either.
Cause I will give as much as I can, for the people or things that I love.
But I won't let you step on me either.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I'd make my family right. ((:



No boundaries

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want, but how long can you wait?
Every moment last forever.
When you feel you've lost your way.

What if my chances were already gone?
I started believing that I could be wrong.
But you give me one good reason.
To fight and never walk away.

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing.

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.

I fought to the limit, to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets?
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you
And your dreams

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe

Yeah, there are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.




Go girl. ((: Anything's possible.
1st step is to believe. ((:

Melody


define.FREEDOM

Serene say she could see my lower jaw slightly swallon. Wth.
And the blue black on my face.

Please recover by KO night. Please recover by KO night
I dun wanna go looking like a puffer fish or something.
)))))))))))))):

I told my family doc about it. Gave me his personal address.
And number. ((: And my uncle called him up.
Saying he's gonna report it if it continues.
Report luh. I had enough. Seriously.
As long as I'm not the one reporting it's fine. Cause he's my dad.


I wanna finish studying I wanna go for open class on mon~!!!



Melody

define.FREEDOM

When I say freak it actually has the same weightage and seriousness as the word *uck
I just don wnat it to sound so vulgar.



He hit me again. & mummy wasn't around this time.


Reason: For going out yet without telling him
Which I darn message both mummy and him.
I showed him the darn message and he ignored it, he totallly did.
Oh i fact, he freaking bloody flung my phone right across the floor.
And it landed all in pieces. And my mico memo card went missing. Freak him.



And he slapped me. And demanded to know why I went out. That dumbass.
"I give you 6 seconds to tell me"
"1.. 2.. 3.. "
"I told you already what, it's in the message"
"4.. 5.. 6.."
And 4 slaps were delievered right across my face. Along with 2 punches on my right arm.
Oh he totally ignored me. That fucker.
The whole process happened about 6 times. Including the retarded counting.
Yes, I was FREAKING slapped near 30 times and punched over 12 times.
Oh no. It was no exgeration, the pain was real I tell you.
It left me giddy unable to stand and momentarlly deaf. I hate him like mad.
My whole bisecp was covered in blue black.
And both my cheeks were swallon, my whole cheekbone hurts, up to my ear, and down my lower jaw. Both sides.
And there's a slight blueblack if you see carefully.
Think it's over? Guess again.
He pushed me down to the ground and kicked me repeatedly.
Den he threw a bloody mug at me.
And he wnet up to take a hanger to hit me.


At the end of everything, I could taste Blood in my mouth.
My nose bleed and there were blue balcks on my lower back.
My cheeks were swallon. Blueblanks on my bicep. and all.
I hate him to the max.



I didn't cry throughout the whole thing. I mean, it's not pride or what.
I just didn't cry. It was pain. Darn pain. But I dunno excatly why either I didn't cry.



But after he had his share of fun, I stood in the same corner and frooze for almost 5 mins.
I was afriad & scraed I guess. God, I could have never been more more frightened than this.
After that, I slid down to me knees and sobbed like mad.
And examined all my wounds. )):



Compared to last year, it's a lot better already. It happened once every week last year.
And I swear I never actually told anyone the details and all.
But it was really really really really hell for me.



I would have freaking hit him back long ago. I would have. Oh I so would have.
Mercilessly in fact, Very much mercilessly.
I do not care if he's my dad. Doesn't give him the right at all to injure me like that.
His affairs were his darn mistakes. NOT MINE.
Why take it out on me. Dumb fucker.



The only reason why I'm stopping myself from doing so is because:
-If I were to really fight with him & he'd hit me more thereafter.
-I need a home, he can chase me out and trust me my mom cant do anything about it. trust me sh cant, she can threaten to fall out with him and all. But i know she wouldn't becasue she's afraid of losing him. Anywyas I don't wanna drag more relationships down. I rather she not.



Sometimes I am in the wrong. Oh. Yes. I'd admit.
I'm no perfect child either. And times like that.
I'd try to understand why he do that.
Even though it doesn seem to be a good enough reason to hit me.



My neighbour actually dragged me down to see a doc.
Cause the injuries were bad. My inner gums got cut too you know?
And my throat hurts. Not the sore throat kind.
But the inner blueblack kind. I dunnoe how to explain.



Emotionally. I'm alright. ((: HAHA. Just need a day or two to get my confidence back.
Physically... ... I's be okay I guess. It will heal no?


"I meant to scar you and cut off your hair tonight"
What kind of a dad says that? )):



--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Though all of that happens,
I'm happy for stick~~ He's feeling a lot better.
Muahahahas. SMILES okay?? ((:
Don't snap. ((: I'd buy loads of glue for you on your b'day. ((:
HAHAHAHAS. ((:




No matter what, I'd always be happy
Melody

define.FREEDOM

define.FREEDOM

Met Eulene and Suria after school.
Headed down to arts museum. HAHA.

People.. Believe it? These pics are from my phone cam.
Ahhh~~ So cool eh? ((:



Session-ed after that. ((:
Jas Koh, Serene, Alson, Mev, Jonas. ((:
Wee~ I LOVE YOU ALL~!!! Haha. ((:


HAHAHAS. Kor. So you expect me to plan your b'day party?
I'd see how luh huh?? HAHA. :P
Maybe if you buy a Tiffany and Co bag or something.
I might consider? HAHAHAHAS. :D


Melody

define.FREEDOM

Keeps me wondering if I have one hour left to live,

I would.

-Write a letter to my family and individual friends to say how much they meant to me
And where ever I end up in, I'd always remember them. ((:
-Confess to the person I love. Whether is unrequited or requited.
-Have sex. HAHA. I'm serious. -.-
-Dance, Sing.
-Go to the beach and die peacefully. HAHA.

I just planned my death. LOLS.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




define.FREEDOM

Hi people. I have grey eyes now. ((: Muahahhaas. ((:
Not bad eh? ((: I like.


Yest at suntec. HAHAS.

OMG. Next bf. Can I have. pleasyyy pleaseeeeeee?? ((:
*gives puppy eyes* So prettyy..


Back at home~~ ((:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quoted from Sc's blog sometime back.
Love truly.
Kiss slowly
Forgive quickly.


I'm not looking for a perfect relationship or a perfect guy.
I don't believe it works that way. No one's perfect for each other?
I'm looking for an imperfect one. With many ups and downs.
And when that person is willing to stay around through all of the heartache and crazy stuff.


You know he's the one.


Melody.

define.FREEDOM

Oh no.

I'm dreading face book video again. -.-

define.FREEDOM

Do not try me.

I repeat.

Do not try me.


I may be nice. kind. seem easy to bully and all.
But. I can be a total bitch if I want to.
Because I'm not dumb to sit there and just get shot at without saying anything.

I'm fine with the explanations. I don't care how harsh they were.
Because I'd admit I totally deserved it.
But the insults were totally uncalled for.


I'm not the same girl whom I was.
Insult me previously. I'd keep my cool and go in a clam tone Fine. It's okay. What's wrong?
I'm still kind and more than willing to help anyone.
I'd go 100000 miles if I have to.
But then again. I'm not stupid enough to just sit there and get insulted at.



Melody

define.FREEDOM

When I'm hurt. I'd breakthrough a lot.
All the pent up emotions will go into whatever I'm doing.
And it'll explode. Suddenly. Muahahhas.
Seriously. HAHAS. So there's good and bad.


Miss Melody Thiam Huijing.

GET A GRIP.


You shall:
- Go back modeling next week.
- Session like hell. And I mean like hell.
- STUDY.
- Do up your blog shop stuff.
- Go buy paint for your room and start painting it.


Melody.

define.FREEDOM

I crushed a snail.

)))))):

I know right? It was an accident.
An accident which made me feel like dying with guilt.
Sigh. )):


KO night was dope. I think the poppers are freaking sexy. :X
But halfway while queuing I felt a little unwell.
Headed to the toilet bowl and vomit. HAHA.
I have no idea why. ((:


I might be every close to some guys.
But I need to be clear. It's just as friends to me.
I can joke laugh and play and be real close.
But truth is, I don't open up to guys a lot. About how I'm feeling and all. Esp pain.
It's just as friends. ((: I don't wanna hurt anyone.

)(*&^%$##$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@#$^&$#@#$%^&$#@#$%^&#@#^&^$#@#^&^$#@#
&#$%^#$%^#@#$^$#@#$%^%$#$%$#$%$#
&^%$#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&^%$#@#$%^^%$#@
OMG.


It still doesn't make me feel any better. -.-


Melody.

define.FREEDOM

I won't say anything to hurt anyone.

define.FREEDOM

My heart's breaking again.
I feel so darn empty again.
Tell me why I always feel this way?


Everytime. I think that I'm okay.
Some thing will hit me badly.
It's a once a week thing to emo.


Yah. I'm crying. But I really don't wanna hurt anymore.
So tempting. To jump into another's arms and just lay there dead.
But no, it's something I won't do.


I dun wanna break down in school nor break down in tut.
I can feel my tears welling up already.


Kill me? I think it'll be easier like that.


I wanna run away.
Someone, anyone, please just take me somewhere safe, please?

define.FREEDOM

On wed.





define.FREEDOM

Hmms. Things I need to do:

-Buy a PINK file, sort out all my tuts. (Today)
-Buy printer ink for my darn printer (Today)
-Print out this week's notes. (Today)
-Start revising for mid sem. (Today)
-Finish up the darn projects. (Today)
-Shipping info for blogshop. (Today)
-Find more products for blogshop. (Today)
-Pay for darn dance fees/ticket fees. (Tml)
-Control my darn debit card expenss. (NOW)
-Buy Zorro's food. (Today)


I really need to get my butt moving.
Need to get a grip of myself.
I'm starting to screw things up again.

-------------------------------------------------------

I've been through enough to know that.

True love cannot be found.
But rather it's something you work towards to.

define.FREEDOM

He scratches his belly using his hind legs and his butt will slide backwards.
He pounces on my toes.
He humps my leg. -.-
He chews on my fingers.

He is so freaking cute.


Baby boy, you got my heart. ((:
I really love him a lot.


Gonna help out in dog farm tml~!!!
I really can't wait~!!!! muahahahhas.



)): I'm not looking for any relationships okay? )):
Please stop pressuring me. )):
I wanna keep our friendships alive. Please. ))':

define.FREEDOM

It's not meant to be only when you say it's not meant to be.
I believe nothing in this world is unattainable.
Only how much you want it. And at what price. (:
Personally I feel this apples to both one's personal dreams and love.
If you can't even take the risk. Darn right.
What makes you think you have the right to dream or fall in love in the 1st place?



To all you crazy souls out there. ((: LOLS.
If you want to be a dancer. Den be one.
If you want to love, den love with all your heart.
Live life to the fullest and give everything you've got.
Cause it's like what lianghao said.
It's a game. Where no one gets out alive anyway.



My dreams will turn into my reality.
Melody.

define.FREEDOM

)))))))))))))))))''''':

define.FREEDOM

He stares blankly at you.
His eyes follows yo where ever you go.
He pounces crazily at any moving objects.
He chew ferociously at his squeaky toy.
He pees and poops everywhere.
He pushes the darn toy out of his cage to get attention from you.

He's darn smart in getting attention.
INCLUDING peeing everywhere and whining afterward.

Oh he's hell of a whiner alright. Esp at night. When he's lonely.


Hi people. This is Zorro. ((:
This furball has been my greatest joy yet such a pain in the ass for the past one day.
I've been cleaning pee and shit watching him run about for the past one day.

The only time that I can go out when he's sleeping. yest night.
But.. mummy was doing work till 4?
4am... 4am. who does work till then?


Had to skip both orientation and xinyi's cycling thingy. )):
KO night. Tempting. I dun know if I should.

I'm afraid he'd get lonely. )):


Mummy says I being over protective of him.
But it's natural to be protective of the things or people that we love no? ((:


You might be SUCH a pain in the ass.
I think I will get tired looking after you after awhile.
But I'd never stop doing so or loving you baby boy.
Never will I neglect you too. Hugs*
I'd really take care of you and love you like no other.



And when I say I'd take care of something or someone. I'd do it.


ISSUES TO BLOG. TML. Lazy. ((: HAHA.

define.FREEDOM

Heh. Went down for shoot yest.
And another commercial practice thingy.
Colin wants me to do them. Which as quoted "You suck." HAHA.
I SUCK AT COMMERCIALS.
I feel really really really fake when I do them.
I don't understand how actors can pull it off.

Kor how do you act in that chi drama without feeling fake?
Tell me? HAHA. Serious luh.

Breakthrough... RAWR~~


Headed down to Xinyi's place. Discussed blog shop.


My duties:
- Accounting duties.. How much have to earn. Breakeven. Blah blah,
- Shipping duties. Find out which is the cheapest, Call up, Settle shipping.
- Find and Update stock.
- Take turns to post for each collection.
- Money joint account.


Btw, I know the person who supply sexy diamond in Singapore. ((:
Anabelle's friend. Wonder if I should do it?
But a bit big scale? Maybe later on in the business.


HAHAS. I'm 24/7 high these days.
Besides the occasional empty-ish moments.


I'm pretty much balanced now.
Love, Dance, Family, Piano, Modeling, Friends.
The only thing still out of place is my studies.
As in I am going school, But it's the revision thingy that's lacking.
Discipline girl~~


Are you a friend? Or a foe?


define.FREEDOM

I wanna change people's definition of love.

define.FREEDOM

Just when I thought it was all better.
And happier. This hallow empty-ish feeling hit me yet again when I woke up today.
I feel so vulnerable weak and scared today. Like anything can hurt me from anywhere.
I feel like I am in the battlefield?
Where like 100s of arrows can shoot at me from anywhere and anytime.
And I am preparing for it and feeling damn scared at the same time?
I guess there's no need to hide how I feel.

Cause it's just me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I got photo shoot later?
"Elegantly sexy?"
But I don't feel sexy at all. )):
God. I really really hope it'll be okay. )):

Yest was sessioning with Hakeem and the rest for suntec. ((:
I tell you. It was really fun. ((: HAHA. ((:
Really really really really fun. ((:
Lets do this more often?? ((:


I have issues to blog about again.
But probably tml. Darn lazy now. HAHA.



Btw, I'm glad stick's doing a lot better. :)))
I really am. :D
I'm so tempted to draw a line?
HAHA. And post it here. :X hahahahahas.
But that will be awfully mean.


define.FREEDOM

Now that I'm not in a relationship. I can comment right?
I mean I have a better view of what I want need and stuff.

Horoscope Overview

Today, someone's brilliant one-liner will do more than tickle your funny bone -- it will ignite a tiny spark in your heart. Few people realize how having fun can lead to romance, though you have always understood the connection. Your ideal mate is more likely to be someone who makes you smile than someone who makes you swoon. Remember this when you are considering which crushes to pursue. Hold off on accepting an invitation from anyone who's coming on too strong.

I agree. I need someone who can make me smile and have loads of fun.
That means spontaneous. Crazy. Pokes fun at each other.
Run around madly on the beach. ((:
Rather than the sweetsy-itsy thingy. ((:
Of course I rather have both. But if I gotta choose. ((: I rather have a fun relationship.
I mean I do like that. But I realise you can't feel sweet 24/7, impossible.
HAHA. Will get seasoned to it. ((:
But laughters. Just by themselves. ((: Might be possible.

Awww. But being me..
But I'd still be really sweet to my next bf of course. :X
HAHAHAHAHA. ((: I'm joking okay?? HAHAHAS. ((:

((: I'd not give up on my future bf no mater what. ((:
Yah. I may get really really tired of him or something. Dying tired and all.
But Nah. Cause I don't see why I should give up.
If I can pursue my own dreams so crazily.
So feverishly, give up so much pain and hard work.
Setback after Setback after Setback after Setback after Setback.
I don't see why I should give up on my loved one.
It's pretty retarded for me to go for someTHING so much,
and yet when it comes to someONE, I give up.


And no, it's not mismatch in personalities. I don't really believe in that.
Because, no one is made perfect for each other.
It's just how well you work together.
And not how sweet it can get.
It's like. working together and fun are the basics.
And sweetness is the after foundation part. -.-

I seriously hope I make sense. HAHA.

That means. For my previous relationship.
It was screwed from the beginning.
Wrong focus. Cause we only concentrated on how to make it sweet?
At least I did. Without building the foundations there.
Management of it was really bad.
Ah wells. I gotta just learn I guess.


Sum it all up.
I NEED a person who makes me laugh and someone I can work well with.
but I do WANT it to be sweet.
Hmms. But as usual. Want is something really desired.
And need would be something taken for granted.

I'm really think I'm writing a bit of liteartir-ish essays nowadays.
This place is becoming my diary. -.-

Did I mention I love my best friend a lot? ((:
She's really special to me. Hugs* 7 years of friendship.
And I never ever thought a friend could mean so much to me.
Till you came about. ((:

Someone like me

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me


I've matured a lot.
Melody. ((:


define.FREEDOM

I have a dope brother, people. ((:
I really do. ((: Thanks Hongyu. ((:
For always doting on me. ((:


I think Lianghao's post makes sense. Should go read. ((: A lot of issues there.
http://www.jallenkwa.blogspot.com/
But what if someone lost hope? Completely and totally?
So much so they refuse to give love another shot? I'm sure there are people like that. LOL.
Is it better not to have loved that particular person in the 1st place?
HA. I'm not referring to me. I'm gonna get married I assure you. HAHA.


I have issues to blog about too.
I'm just being more. Analytical these days? LOLS.
But I'd leave that till tml.
Cause it's 11pm. And my dad's stern stare indicates I off the computer now.


I have a sad sad life?
Don't you think?
But I have my dearest brother and lovely lovely lovely friends that makes it all worth while.


define.FREEDOM

Yesterday..

((: God is dope. HAHA. I decided to head down to the beach within my 3 hour break.
I was sobbing my eyes out on bus 15. Yah. It refused to stop.
The pain was so unbearable. I thought I would die of over-cry or something. LOLS.
Tears were streaming down like over flooded rivers. It was really really bad.
I tried telling myself, I was in public, but my tear ducts remained defiant.
My eyes were BLACK. and PUFFY from the overnight crying. HAHA.
And when I was nearing Pasir Ris interchange, God decided to make it funny.
By playing "Just by laughs" on the bus TV?
In which my irritating tears stopped. ((: A smile emerged from my tear-streaked face.
And finally dumb laughters. ((: HAHA. cool right? ((:
Totally spoiled my beach-ing mood. LOL. But I'm glad he did.
Cause it was the only day dunnoe since when I couldn't snap out of my zomb-ish state.


Headed back to Tamp, finished up my book in Starbucks. Felt empty again.
Why does happily ever after seem so darn easy on a book? )):
Mine was just, Skip happily ever after, The End. -.- I hope I'm making sense. LOL.
And Lord, being Lord, did his miricle, My phone rang at that very instant. ((:
It was Colin~!!! *screams* ((: Shoot's on Thursday at 3pm. ((:
"Look elgantly sexy and wear a push up bra" HAHAHAHAS.
How to be upset? LOLS. ((:


Afterwards., Met up wth Serene and Jas outside cheers.
And Jas pointed at the darn bird and claaed out my name. FRIENDS INDEED. HAHA.
But I love them with all my heart can ever love. (("
True friend are really hard to come y, the ones that stick to you no mater what.
And I'm just glad they're mine. ((:


Night, proves to be emoish for Fion May and I. We just sat and talked and nearly cried.
And I could relate to whatever Fion was saying. And no,
I don't find it stupid nor dumb, or so freaking screwed up that she's still hurting at this point.
Den it dawned on me, how long am I actually gonna take to fully get over him?
Really cut out the two weeks crap taget cause, it's ridiculous.
Unless what Hongyu says, I'm gonna find another guy whom I can devote to.
Ugh. He can totally read my mind okay? He can tell me how I would handle this sitauation.
And it's more than accurate. -.- RAWR~~~ Dope. ((:


This point of my life, is the point where I feel, like I'm falling in love with 500 different guys.
But it isn't like that? ((: Just feels like it.
Cause of the comfort love and security they provide. And that's not love at all. I know.
I won't hurt anyone or lead anyone on in this process.
The pain I'm experiencing now.
Is probably retribution for what I did back in my sec school days.
Pfft. I'd never play with anyone's heart again. HAHA. that's for sure. ((:


((: I'm sorry for the really lengthy post.
It's just a way of releasing my pain. (:
I'd try to lighten up by tml. ((:
Den it won;t be so dark and gloomy here. HAHA. ((:

define.FREEDOM

Maybe as my heart breaks the 500th millionth time tonight.
It's tearing me up inside. Ripping every soul and will that I have left.
I am tired. So tired of fighting it away. Fighting it off.
That I just wanna collapse on the ground and die. Sometimes.
The excruciating pain that I thought I'd never have to go through again hit me once more.
Yes, that empty-ish, heart-ripping, fucking crazy feeling that I'm feeling.
The same feeling's thats keeping me awake right now.
Whats this man? I question myself over and over again.
And I always fucking find myself back in the same pit.
Love.


Love kills when you don't handle it well.
Love tortures when you let it walk all over you.
Love is bitterness when misued, mistreated.
Love is yet, the very meaning of our lives.
Love is yet the emotion that makes it all worthwhile.
Love is yet something that CAN make you warm and fuzzy all over. Safe and protected.


But for now. Love has been nothing but heart wrenching cryings and empty heartbreaks.
Yet, you know the worst has yet to come girl,
Very soon he's gonna say he loves someone else.
And that, you just gotta be preapared for.


Fuck luh. I'm afriad. Yah. I am. And right now.
I dun have the courage nor willpower to to this.
I feel like running away.
I wonder. How much is it gonna hit me.
I FREAKING DUN WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEE. UGHHH.
How do I express that I really don wanna die?? Urghhhhhhh.
I don't want to admit. But I'd be more of a coward if I try to hide.
I'm extremely afraid of this blow. Damn freaking scared it will kill me.









Btw, I've been stagnant for quite awhile.
Haven been doing much except playing around.
And hanging out.
I was out 3 consecutive nights.


Blog shop's discussion's going on great. :D
Seems like the whole layout is there. :))
And stuff.

Wheres for dance. HAHA. I haven been practising and all.
HAHA. Yah. Tell me about it. LOLS.

Zorro's coming in next week. ((:
Ah wells. He's freaking plump. Looks like a ball of fur runing around. HAHA.
When he looks at you with those puppy eyes and tilted head. HAHA.
You'd just melt right into this little furball's paws.

Modelling's stopped too. ((:
Yah. I have been slacking. ((:


But yet I got time to hang out with my friends. ((:
Lovely. ((:


Thanks Kor kor. For always bein there for me. (((:
To shower me with love and random little things that you do. ((:
Loves you. <3 I'd always be here for you too. ((: Okay? ((:

define.FREEDOM

It's funny how things turn out. Sighs. )):
I trip over my own feet, always )):
Cause I guess that's how clumsy I am. )):


define.FREEDOM

I realise. You can't trust everyone.
I gave you a few chances. Sorry.


Kill me man.
Seriously. I rather die den to go through this.

define.FREEDOM

Cause.. I'm breaking free.
In dance. And in love.


Smiles. Each day. God gives me a reason to smile.
And today's reason will be. Realization. ((:

HAHA. I completed my homework.
Met Kamil in the morning. ((:
Caught up. Headed down to lecture.
Met Caledaer. Crapped in class. ((:
He wanted to borrow my dad's car. O.O
So damn sweet of him right? Drive hs family out.

Omg. HAHA. It was the craziest 12 8s yest.
Throughout the entire lesson I was pulling my hair. HAHA. (:
But I had so so much fun. ((: It was crazy amount of fun.
I have fun having stress. HAHA. ((: Freaking weird.
And there were loads of dope dancers there. ((: Yeahs~!!!
I'm still high because of it. HAHA. ((:

And Serene, Jasmine and Hongyu totally made my day. ((:
I'm so so so happy I see you~~ :D But I'm really really really glad I did too. ((:
HAHA. ((: Love you girls, and guy. ((:


Bryant's bringing me to watch sunset too. ((:
After his leg recovers. Look boy, Your leg will recover. ((:
It will. Just have faith. ((:
Look you stay so near, need like anything gimmie a ring.
And if it's some crazy operation you have to go through.
I'd promise I'd be there for you.
Like at the hospital itself. ((: Okay? I promise. ((:


I should get my driving licience soon. ((:


Anyone going clubbing soon? ((:
Let me know okayyysss?? ((:

Today--> Study with Serene, Jas. ((:
Wed --> Photo shoot. Plus more dance classes.
Thurs --> Session with Hakeem, Nicole. And Xinyi, Blog shop.
Friday --> NOTHING so far. Maybe go down class myself. ((:
Sat --> Cycling with Xinyi, Sc, Lh.
Sun --> Family dayyy~~!!

God. )): I've been trying to tell you that one year ago. )):

I'm not gonna blog everyday anymore.
Getting a bit lazy. ((: HAHA.


Loves bird brain,
Melody. HAHA. LOLS.

define.FREEDOM

I'm at starbucks.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I push you all away.
Cause I don't wanna get too close.
I don't want you all to get the wrong impression.
I meant it when I say I wanna stay single.
I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt anyone get it?
It's not nice to hurt anyone.
Don't fall for me. Please. Don't.

I just wanna have my own space to achieve my own stuff now.
In my dance, in my modeling, in piano.
Yah. I wanna be dope~ In everything. Yah kill me man.



I swear. If dance were human.
I'd totally buy a ring for err. it now.
HAHA. But I love it a lot.
But I'm not sure if it likes me back. ))':
Cause of the occasional screw ups and all. )):
*sulks* Lols. ((:

Right this random incident, I was walking down with Serene at Cluck Kuey one night.
And this American. I think he's American,
Sprayed his beer all over me.
)&^%$%^&*((&^%$ And he can laugh about it.
That idiot. HAHA. Lols.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I changed. A lot. Again.
Why am I always going through this phase of change?
I feel I got a lot better emotional control now.
OH HELL YAH. They're killing me becasue I keep giving in to them.
So they just add more and more each time.
Curfew, 9.45pm? Go out only twice a week? Weekend must spend with parents.
Sleep at 11.30? Phones off at 12am.

After they said that. I just said I'm going out.
Went to starbucks. Whip out a book. Ordered Frapachino.
And started reading. And if you don't think I'm pissed with them I freaking am.
I'm so freaking.. Irritated.


And there's no way I'm gonna stick by those, I'd totally become introvert,
Maybe when I calm down.
I;d try talking to them.
That's if they don't insist on exerting their parental authority.

James and Joey's fighting a lot too. )):
I think it's the same issue. I guess every couple has to go through that stage. )):
There was this period. Sam Kw also. Frankie and Joyce too. )):
Ah wells. It's a couple phase. But I guess after that phase. Its happy-ish.
Like Joel and Eulene. ((: HAHA.
Right now, I rather not need my future bf. Whoever he might be. HAHA.
And stay with him by choice.
I don't know. But I feel. Desire for a person is always stronger than a need no? hmms.
Anyway, with that distance from each other, I bet can appreciate each other more too.

My life isn't perfect.
But I'm really happy with it now. More than happy.
I have friends who love me a lot.
I have my goals, aims and my own career path.
I have passions and loves which I can't live without.
I have God, by me always, to see I don't fall too hard.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Headed down to Changi beach by myself. ((:
I enjoy time by myself now. ((:
More of I need time by myself now. HAHA. ((:


My family joined me later. ((:









OH MY FREAKING GOD. I told you I screwed up Justis class.
AND IT REALLY CAME TO HAUNT ME ON FB. OH MY GOD.
MORE CLASSES FOR HUIJING. OH MY GOD.
I'm gonna vomit blood. really. My catching of chero is terrible.
Wait my everything is. OH MY FREAKING GOD.


Melody

define.FREEDOM

define.FREEDOM

In respect to what lianghao blogged.
I feel, if you don't love yourself,
You can't feel the love other people have for you.
And yes, that's when you'd take everyone for granted because.
Hey, the love that they're giving you.
Its only gonna be just nice for you and you alone.
how do you expect to love or feel loved with an half empty heart or in this case a heart or love which is enough to fulfill only yourself?


And yes, if you're asking me. ((:
I am falling more and more in love with myself each day.
I guess the trick's to be gentle with yourself, but not at the expense of hurting others. ((:


Off to catwalk lessons. ((:
Hee.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


You told me. you wanna make your loved ones smile and really happy. ((:
And you did. ((: Thank you.
You told me you wanna be a better person by bringing happiness around.
I already think you are already.
You told me you dun wanna to become bad because of the environment and your future workplace.
And I'm telling you. You won't.


Thanks for everything tonight. ((:



Jia you Ko night people. ((:
Jonas, Audrey, Niger Ter, Kevin and all.

Jia you you. ((:

Melody

define.FREEDOM