rules.of.FREEDOM

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rules
rules
rules
rules
rules

soul.set.free

Hi I'm Melody
18 this year, coming 19. ((:
I'm a Virgo. ((:
I'm born on 4th September
And I wanna be a vet
Birthstone Sapphire. ((:
And morning glory.

speak.your.FREEDOM

I love to express myself. I love dancing.
I love singing. I love animals.
I love modeling. I love reading!
I love French people. I love the language Spanish
I love my piano. I love my 200 dollars racket.
I love my crazy family. I love my dearest friends.
I love him, Jesus. I love witting love poems.
I love the warmth in making people smile.
I love people who love me. HAHA.
I love people who are true to their hearts.

join.the.FREED

free one
free two
free three
free four
free five
free six
free seven
free eight
free nine
free ten

express.FREEDOM

three years of sad confinement
my life is finally falling into alignment
i run out of the cage to greet the sun
and to my new home i will run
fall to the soft grass and heck care to the world
this long awaited life will unfurl
close my eyes and smile so deeply
with the wind blowing so swiftly
a gentle feeling;
yet such twist
the scent of freedom
it does exist...

unfreed.PAST

March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009

freedom.SONG

credits: playlist.com

thanks.for.FREE

designer
blogskins
deviantart.com
adobe photoshop imageready

today. i met a nice guy.
or so i thought.
Till. he pestered me to go out with him.
throughout the whole lesson.
I do not have peace. At all.
well. he was a random stanger who offered to drop me off at tp in a cab.
cause i couldn get one and i was horribly late.
nice person yaa??
and desperate too. T.T

He's a senior reporter at mediacorp.
which is. i guess kind of cool. =) i guess.
his name card and all.
his english is horrid. dun balme mee.
he doesn understand the phrase
"I'M ATTACHEDD"
dumboo guy.

In the end. I agnored him.
he got the drift. =)) finally.

----------------------------------------------------------

melody has to study.
she has to get her As.

Later.
=DD lazy. hahas.

define.FREEDOM

lalala~~

5 subjects next week. =))
jia you everyoneeee~~~ =))

define.FREEDOM

no matter what.
melody still loves joey the most.
hahahahhas. =))
seriously.

nth interesting these days.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday 24th May

APPAC SUCK.
Like hello i spend like freaking 4 hrs in the com lab on a freaking sat morning
claicking buttons.
and therefore.
very beautifully missing my dance lesson.
... ... ... ... ... ...
yea i was darn freaking pissed already.

Urgh it just has to get worse,
Come on.
wanna see naggy?
den look at the bloody person at the i models thingy.
... he spend 1 hr plus talking crap.
like joey was late for work.
because of that.

ohh. and did i mention?
I got ps. by darling.
... he has project. so last min again.
... sighs. stupid.
sooo i dragged my freaking bag. to his house.

nice sat. =((

define.FREEDOM

YEAH~~~ hahahhas.

YEAHHSS~~~

HAHA. Joey Act CUTEE~~~~ hahahhaas.

Yeahs~~ HAHAHAH. den we headed to my house.
to watch enchanted.
OMG. girls out night rawks.

damn sweet rightt?? =)

LOLS. =DDD i love you babe.
you rock my world. hahahas. =DD

define.FREEDOM

yeaterday. was major reflection period. hahahas.
I can live without a guy i guess.

But i can never never never never live without my friends.
those who had been there for me.
those who are here for me.
and those who will continue being there for me.
I honestly thank you.
You're the greatest kind of friends i ever ever ever met and ever will meet.

you've really seen me through my darkest moments.
and i'm deep down honestly very garetful for it.

true. i'm sorry. i'm not excatly. the best-est kind of friend you'll ever meet.
not appearing for outings for freaking long period of times.
but know that. i am true. to each and every one to you.
and melody~~ will definately make up for the lost time.

------------------------------------------------------------------

honestly?? i think i can move on. i really think i can.
up till now. when i'm alone. it's still an alrighhhttt.
i'm not dying, crying, or anything.
true. lonely. a bit sad. but still an alriggghhhhttt.

but i thought about it.
i rather channel this strength that i have in saving this. than moving on.
casue. no matter how alrrriggghhhttt i am. or how finne i am.
it's still part of me. and it still means something to me.

------------------------------------------------------------------

and to one one dear beloved,

if. thats an iffff... sweetheart. if.. you ever read this. know that. I am still loving you with all my heart. no matter what you said. or how you hurt me the past few days. most importantly. i just wanna be there for you. i just wanna continue loving you. and kind of giving everything i've got. cause you're the truely one soul that i devoted myself to. the one i love. and the one i truely cherish with all my heart.

ohh god. stop these tears. shucks. ='( god.

you said words/blogging dun't mean a thing to you at all. but i hope tears of sincerity do.
true. I dun't know if i'm a good girlfriend. I cant judge that myself. But neither am I a "faker. of feelings" So for once. just believe me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

hmmms. smart melody~~~
just smart. hahas. like. 1st time i decided to come to lecture.
got my sorry ass of my bed..
arrived at school
and like struck with a freaking huge stomachache.
LIKE DARN.

by the time i finish it's like 10.15??
.. defeats the whole point. doesnt it?
so i'm stuck at the library. hahahas. updating this shit. =(((

melody rather has her sleeep~~

hmmmsss. err... hahahhas. how do I start.
errrr.. we errrr.. made.. er.. up.
OH GOD~~ i can hear curses everywhere man.
coming from shing chun. xinyi. bryant.iman. loads of ppl. hahas.
opppss. i'm sorry. =((

i believe.
I really do believe.
but can someone assure me. my faith and determination's strong enough?
he refuses to do anything.
let alone, hold my hand and tell me that i can do it~~

wait wait.
isn't this the guys' job?
oh wells.

define.FREEDOM

like hellos.

Omg. like lovess~~

and thank you.
may who ran around the whole bloody school searching for me.
worrying like mad.
Ohh shucks. i'm so sorry hon.
i truely am.
i was crying. =(( i didn want you guys to see me in this state. =((

and all the talks.
concern. you guys really made my day loads better.

oh god. i really cant thank you guys enough. =))
i wouldn have survived today without you guys by me.
to each and every one of you. may. amelia. iman. fartin.
Thank you.
from the bottom of my heart.
thank you.

1st this when i was there.
bring xinyi and liang hao and shing chun.
it's beautiful.
2nd. i wish you're here with me.

AND bryantt. omg. that damn sweet guy.
huggiee**
he's at aussie man. holiday.
he read my message. and send an email to me.
all the way from aussie.
oh gooddd. thank you.
really~~ thank you loads.
i really appreicate it a lot.

my friends. give me courage to move on.
like. really give me loads of courage.
i think i want to.
but i just dun know where to start.

I think. I repeat. I think.
i need more time. to decide.

define.FREEDOM

"I never needed you from the start."
cause..
"i'm just very ambitious"
These painstaking words habouring in my thoughts.
It's driving me crazy.

"i enjoy time with my friends than i do with you."
another one.
"i am more willing to be with them"
heart hurts.

"I dun't know whatn i'm holding on for"
heart breaks.

i had loads of faith.
even when i'm believing in it alone.
you know how hard that is.
but in one single night.
you managed to kill everything.

i'd ask you.
you're not even willing to do anything.
so why complain so much?

so i have to pick myself up to salvage it once again.

you claimed that you love me.
you claimed you never want to see me sad.
then what's this?
it's a matter of ur heart. what about my heart sweetie?
what about mine?
ever spared a thought?
i gave up alot.
more than i could ever imagine.
more than i ever had.
more than i ever will.
and yet, you shot me down with those words.
it's just one mistake (which isn my fault in the 1st place) and you couldn pardon me.
i dun't wanna say anything.
cause i dun't wanna make matters worse.

you said all u want is for me to be happy.
load of bullshit.
i'd be happy. if you're understanding.
cuase you asked me to give you time.
i gave in. i said. alright honey. you can have it. continue disappointing me for now.
cause ultimately. i believe you'd change.
but dun't you think it kills my faith too?
i need some time too.
to adapt. true i disappointed you.
but i've never really let you down.
if i can bring myself to believe you.
why cant you?

i'd said i'd give you my all.
that i'd continue. placing you. my no 1. even though you place me bottom.
i said i'd give you time. you do not need to give me anything.
I'd said i'd give you time. to get abck everything.
(you're somehow just dellusioned that i'm pressing you for it. i ahve no idea why)
I'd said i'd continue believing in it. even though. you dun't.

and yet you can say i dun't do it willingly.
how you wnat me to convince you?
if that's not love honey.
what is??
if i can do that for you.
the least you can do is believe in me and understand me.

great. you won't listen anyways.
so ya. zzz.

define.FREEDOM

omg. the bloody pack of lies you've been feeding me.
that i'm 1st in your heart and all.
and i'm dumb enough to believe you and place you 1st.
urghhh. sicko. no wonder i'm always hurt.
something's wrong with me.

no matter how close we get from now.
you're no longer 1st.

define.FREEDOM

if given a choice.
i think i would have choosen not to love.
cause ya. it hurts.
when you take the other for granted. sure hurts.

I just wanna love.
wholeheartedly again.
it doesn matter whether he appreciates it.
doesn matter if he say thanks.
or he cares or not.
as long as he's happy.

i should be happy that he's happy.
but i cant help not feel appreciated and all.
like i have to say. hmmsss. what about my thanks.
den he'd ohh thanks. which really defeats the whole purpose. =((
doesn't it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

updateeeesss!!
yeahs. more picturess.. =DD
17/05/08 sat

hmmmss. i fought with mummy.
about stupid stuff.
not doing revision. how dumb ya?
like she banged the bloody door repeatedly.
LIKE REALLY BOOM BOOM.
like even raoul could hear.
... so dumbbb.

den went to darling's place.
damn sweet day for us. =))

yeahhhhhsssss!!!! hahas. den grandpa's birthday dinner!!!
And yes. shu2 shu4. i am pissed with you.
like hello. ah gong birthday.
you work. =(( so mean.

my grandma. dman young right?

ahhh~~ my damn cute cousins playing with cammm. =DD

=DDD

dance.. is my escape. my reason for laughs.
my joy. the burning passion. it's my dreams.
and all that i ever hoped for. I gave up hell load for it.
it's my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Monday!!!! 19/05/08

OPPPS melody forgot to post this.
HAHA. sorry honeyyyy. huggiiee*
we went out. =DD

he is such a sweetheart. =))
he has no cash already for this month.
and he still brought me out for movie and dinner.
paid him back of course.
cause if he doesn eat.
he'd probably end up disappearing~~~
hahhahhas. jkjk. =DD

melody loves.
~xinyi and shing chun and liang hao.
~darling.
~dance.

i miss mervin to bits. =((

define.FREEDOM

like melody's hungryyy~~

God look at everyone's sian-ed face!! HAHAHA

like. OMG. i realised something.
dexter and doycle make a really damn good pair you know.
HAHA. like same dimple same eyes. same. violent nature.
HAHA. opps.

and yes. seeing this.
somehow i miss. xinyi shing chun and liang hao a lot.

define.FREEDOM

chnage my mindset...

my happiness doesn matter.

it's yours that does.

AHH~~ no one is going to influence me no more.

no one's gonna say melody. you're too nice to him. melody. stop spoiling him.

you should be a bit meaner. or he'd take it for granted.

hmmsss. true he did. hahas.

but thats besides the point right?

it's his happiness that counts.

that's why i'm with him in the 1st place.

I seem to have forgotten that. =))

what about loving him with all my heart? even though i dun have his love.

i told myslef that once. I can do it again.


see. prayers solve problems.
if you just believe. hahas.
i've been trying to change it for weeks now.

Thanks Lord

define.FREEDOM

Smile**
Breakthrough.. i can finally do it in front of him.
hahas. =DD like almost full out. =DD

hee. improve a lot. got my confidence back.
feel that i love every min of it.
but somehow.
i'm unhappy.
love? i think it's better not to have loved at all.
cause. i hate pain. ok. who doesn't. but ya.
I hate it. It's like life is filled with issues nowadays.
maybe it's just perception. HAHA.
I dun deny some of them are like self inflicted. cause dman emo nowadays.
if it's not about dance. it's about us. if it's not abt us. it's abt my family.
my only escape now are my friends. =DD
I dun know. honestly? part of me.. feels that i can let go of him.
but something's holding me back.
I dun know what.
like liang hao says.
life is like a dick, when it guts hard, fuck it.

HA. damn crude. but ya. whatever.
=DD hahas. =DD




define.FREEDOM

i guess. 1 is still a number.
alone. yuppss.
i dressed in hip hop.
i'm at the library typing this.
and yes. i feel horrible.

I feel my passion has been once again ripped out of me.
I set out today. With high spirits cause i'm finally dancing again.
Just got it back. and disappointment hits. when he SUDDENLY.
note SUDDENLY told me he cant teach.
how would my just revived passion feel?
hurt and dead.

I need someone dependable.
Someone I can trust my stuff with.
you ask me to understand.
dude. i've been doing that for the past. ha. how many times.
and you said i am selfish.
... ... ...

hmms. may stood there crying.
cause she was afraid to go in.
cause she backed out and they're not too happy with her.
darn it. just go. i want so much to be in there and dun't ahve the chnace to.
the moment i said that tears fell.
like mad.

today's crap.

it's ok. i mean. i'd depend on myself.
at least i hope i'm strong enough to.

at the same time. there's really 2 ppl.i'd like to thank.
Xinyi and Shing chun. =DD
smiles* they really care and really do understand.
through them. i really really undertsand.
I can live without a guy. but i cant live without friends. =DD
seriously. =DD hahas.

ok ciao. meeting them at my house.
hahas. =DD

define.FREEDOM

ohh. sighs. i actyally wrote
like

HEART Xinyi, Shing Chun, Liang Hao

den i wanted to take picture post it here.
sighs. to show you guys.
Cause I really do love you guys loads.
But darn it, it was dark.
Cant take the picture.
I'm sorry. Sighs. =((

darling. thank you.
really baby had the most amzing time.
true. hahahas. the activity is. ... hahahahhas.
but hahahhas. i'm really happy. =DD
and i really appreciate it.
I dun know how to say i dun't know how to show.
i ran out of ideas.
but deep down i am grateful. =DD

define.FREEDOM

1st year aniversay!!!

=DDDD

thank you honeyyyy.
BABY LOVE IT TO BITS. hahahahs.

yeahhs and this is my new found fishing friend!! Daniell. =DD

Danielll!!! =DDD

dummy. wear so glam come beach. HAHA.

tee hee hee. HAHA. =DD

HAHA LOOK. OMG show you guys something!!!! HAHAHAS.

Act cute, TAKE 1, FAIL. HAHAHAHA. opps. hahahhas

Act cute, Take 2. melody. PASSED.

HAHAHAHS. omg. SO bhb.
HAHAHS. jk la. kidding la honey. =DDD
totally totally pure joke ya?
dun emo. hahahahas. jkjk. =DD
you always look good to me ya??
i'm just high to the max can??
WHATEVR MELODY.
stop being dumb.
HAHAS.

Cam whore!!!!
HAHAS. den went to this lovely restaurant.
Mmmm.. =DDD the food was yummyyy. hhahahs.

=DD den darling's prawn allegry broke out.
... hahas. had to take care of him. hahahs.
hahahs. dun worry darling. baby dun mind ya??
not troublesome at all.
hug hug**

yeahhhss!! zz.. hahas.

define.FREEDOM

liang hao is just God Damn sweet..
seriously.
sweet

define.FREEDOM

HEE. lols.

mmmmm... mangoooooo.. =DDDDD

NEHH~~~~ camwhore!!

And again. =DD

heee. after that headed down to meet my family and grandma!! and auntie!!
mother' s day erm.. dinner!!!
weeeee... =DDD

Tee hee hee. =DDD


And finally!!! dinner!! weeee..

hmmmss.. all my efforts to not let fion know.
failed. like word spreads man.
stupid. i mean throughout the seniors
and somehow she found out.
so she's like mroe depressed than ever.
oh wells. will talk to her soon.
that's if.. she lets me.

melody is a happy happy girl. =DDD

yeah.. i feel the passion burning in me.
burning to move to the beat.
that's what i want. =DD

define.FREEDOM

great. i dun feel like living.
i prefer to die.
i dun wnat pain.
i dun want tears everyday anymore.
i dun wanna be alone.
but i'm pushing everyone away.

just let it slip away.
i dun care anymore.

define.FREEDOM

sighs. i'm starting to hate myself.
will i really stop socialising one day?
sighs. I turned down iman and gang.
I turned down honey.
nah it's more of like he didn pick up my calls.
and he's online.
.. sighs. whatever. seriously.

I wanna take a break. from everything.
I have to grow up. manage my own stuff.
I came back to take stuff. and go to the beach. =))
I gotta stop blaming myself for stuff.

define.FREEDOM

xinyi came here.
ha. we had heart to heart talk.
hahas. she say she wanna dance too. =DD
hahahas. lols.

sighs. feeling loads better now. =DD
oh wells. hahas. =DD
but i'm still extremely unsaatisfied with my performance.

drive~~
i'd get it back.
i do love it. it's just i'm sick of it.
it's like a boyfriend.
like fight and fight. keep screwing up.
you get extremely tired. you dun wanna face him.
but you know you still love him.
just dun't wanna deal with him now.

but I dun;t have a choice right?
I have to get it back.

URGH watch videos.
i dun think will help. but ya.

define.FREEDOM

urgh. my com is freaking slow.
I cant take it.
Damn it la. My mood's spoilt.
My confidence gone.
How the fuck you want me go for auditions like that?
my freestyle. is totally no confidence today.
And i'm like on the verge of dying here.

urghhhhh. whatever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
sighs. as each day passes. i lose hope.
I lose faith. cause i get upset everyday.
I hate to see it slipping away.
And I have to face it alone.
yes. ALONE.

cause. i'd be there alone during the auditions.
no one will freaking hold my hand and walk through the auditions with me what.
Urghhhhh. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

sighs. darlings discussing project too.
sighs. =(( I am all alone.
shucks. nvm. i'd jia you.
even if it's by myself.

T.T sometimes. i just feel like crying.
sighs. but i got to be brave and face this.
even if i fail. sighs.

sighs. i better clarify. i'm not blaming.
just ranting my ass off. sighs.

life is meaningless.
everyday. is alone. hidding of feelings.
crying. praying. pleading for help. pathetic. low slef esteem.
I used to love it.
I dun wanna go through this anymore.
sighs. i dun't.

define.FREEDOM

sighs. hahas. I dun excatly know how to start this.
ahhh~~~ HUGGSS.
omg. i cant thank xinyi enough man. seriously.
like she rushed can? from library.
AHH~~ omg. hug hug**
seriously thanks so much.
i would have really died without you around.
casue i was sobbing like no one's business.
really. so thankss. i dun know how else to say it.
but i really appeciate it.
damn sweet of her. =DD hee.
and shing chun's erm. hahas. concern i guess. hahahhas.
huggie. love you all to bits.

today i woke up. and i accidentally told gary i was ghiven another chance.
.. great!! so he asked rahim.
great all in all i thought i killed my chance.
So i kneel. just kneel there.
1 and a 1/2 hours, solid, in my room sobbing and crying.
praying that it wasn killed.
i totally killed my mood for dance.

but guess what.
God does miricles. it was answered.
on the way out of sports com.
I saw him. he told me himself. he didn forget. =))
like. dman sweet and sensitive of him??
I didn even mention a thing. And he just reassured me like that.

sighs. today was way beyond horrible.
I felt damn stressed.
A need to escape to run away.
so I sobbed my heart out. and prayed again.
I feel i cant turn to anyone.
No one. Not even one.
The feeling is pathetic. like you're all alone to face this mess.
I mean i know they are all there for me.
but.. sighs. just cant. somehow.

define.FREEDOM

the other thing is..
i wanna really really really thank everyone who has been there for me.
seriously. without each and everyone of your encouragement.
and the knowledge that you guys believe in me.
i would have given up.
seriously. so really. to each and everyone of you.
thank you.
i won't let anyone down.

To:
xinyi (for the emotional support)
shing chun (for the encouraging messages sent)
edna (for buying me sweets to cheer me up)
may (for listening to my sorrows)
iman (for plucking my confidence up)
amelia (showing concern)

To:
rahim
Jean
Ah Fong (is it spelt like that?)
(for believing in me so much to give me a 2nd chance, and lisetning to my sorrows)

To:
daddy (for the very very very subtle support. hahas. just dun know how to show it i guess)
mummy (for the seriosuly seriously undivided support)

and esp to my dear dear honey. =))

Ah~~~
i'm here to shout out to the rest. that
darling i can never never ask for another sweeter darling than you.
AND YES I AM SHOWING YOU OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD.

I really dun know what to say.
just that i'm damn grateful. huggie..

the other thing is..
really. please forgive me.
really has been loads of stress on me.
ya? i'm sorry. huggie.
just know. i appreciate every every thing you do.

define.FREEDOM

DAY 1..

urgh. darn. see. happy for training.
i was eager to improve a lot. today.
really a lot. i was looking forward to it.






sighs. darling said he had dance.
so cant teach me like he promised.
ok nvm. i seriously dun mind.
I clariffy again. it's not your fault honey.
i really really didn blame you.
i mean shit happens la. urgh.
and no one's to blame. =)
den he came to my place.
den he lost the wire that connects the ipod to speakers.
so couldn dance at all.

all in all. a fruitless day.
i'm pissed. with myself.
if i'm so determined.
den why the hell do i need to wait for him to teach me?
look. I could have started on my own.

i started out wanting to achieve something by the end of today.
to improve.
but shucks. instead of doing something.
i wasted my day away.
missy. wake up. audition is in like probably 3 days time.
SOLO girl solo. seriously.
i'm extrememly disappoitned with myself.
sighs. sad man. i'm just sad.
like very sad.
angry with myself.
and empty cause. i did expect myself to learn something new by the end.
i was looking forward to learning.
but.. ya i didn't.


ok i'm stressed. honestly i am.
am i taking it too hard on myself?


and the other thing is. i really hate meeting him.
when like.. either of us are stressed or stuff.
bound to have misunderstandings.
and.. i wnat him to be there. but more than ever i dun wanna fight.

define.FREEDOM

oh. hahas.
the other good part is.

mel: you think we'd make it when you migrate away?
darling: of course. =)) (confidently)

like gives me boost too.
hahas. =))

define.FREEDOM

i'd never bring this up to her though.
i mean she knows.
but if she didn mention.
i won say a word.

define.FREEDOM

sometimes life just throws shit at you right?
sighs. i knew it. we shouldn have done it.
like sighs. come on. but sighs.
who's dumb enough to switch places in dance auditions. oh righttt.
fuck fion and me. cause. we were nervous. and totally forgot.
great. so now she got in. in my place. what the hell.
hey i trained for this thing.
like 4 times a week.
sighs. oh wells. it's my fualt i guess.
sighs. i mean. who's so dumb?
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i really hate myslef sometimes.

anyways gonna talk to the dance president later.
see what he can do about it.
=)) he's very nice.

but there's one one thing i dun wnana risk.
fion getting kicked out.
cause. it hurts. like mad.
true. this might have been what i always wanted.
but. if she's gonna get kicked out.
i dun think it's worth it. sighs.

but this means the world to me.
sighs. i put everything i had in this.
i dun know. i'm so torn in between.

you know.
maybe that's why xinyi says that she admires me for being strong for a girl.
cause the truth is.
the more shit you go through.
the stronger you get.

so darn pain.

define.FREEDOM

i realise. as each day passes.
love. is slowly slipping away from my life.

wound after wound.
pain after pain.

reach out they say.
in anything you do.
be it dance or what.
but.. each time. i really do.
it just slips away.
it doesn really hurt anymore now.
natural phenomenen.

sighs. very numb~~
but hey. i'd not stop here.
i'd keep going till the very end.

define.FREEDOM

3 I WILL NOTS TO MY KIDS.

1. I will never freaking throwing stuff at them.
2. I won't be an abusive insensitive parent. who hurts kids emotionally or physically.
3. I will not be controling my kid like shit. no curfew.

cause 1 i believe something. if you want to get someone to listen to you. you make them UNDERSTAND. not canning or screaming. or emotional mistreating. cuase then they'll be acting out of fear not understanding you dumbshit. which kind of defeats the whole purpose does it not?? he said he should have tied me up to the chair when i was younger. not today some other day. when we're not fighting. WTF. what kind of parents do that. abusive. shit. the immediate thought after that was. i shouldd call child abusive, i even thought he was mad aas in crazy mad. TIE kids to a chair. wtf.

i make total sense right? has . but fuck. guess what. let him see this i won live another day. cause his darn pride is there. He'd never admit his wrong. I get it I GIVE IN. i ddun do something menas i dun respect you. i dun listen and come home early menas i dun care about you. i dun stay home means i;ve forgotten about you. i dun eat my medicine means i dun care. i bust my phone bill means i;m taking you for granted. i dun.. i tell you the list goes on. you relaise i'm a teen. i'm not saying i know everything. i dun;t i;m just saying. hey. let me grow up on my own. true i need guidence. ohh you;re lackign here. you haven been spending much time with us. dun forget your work. reminders reminders not to miss out anything, NOT COMPLAINTS. whatever man. i get what you are freaking trying to say. I should take care of my own stuff. I get it. ok. i;m so trying to chnage. Aan i am. most of the time when i'm late i;d call you. most of the stuff now. And what hotel man. You wanna see hotel?? you wouldn even see me at all. ok?? you think i have nothing den stay at home?? i always have stuff on. but sometimes. i stay at home cause i choose. on sats and sundays. ok??

you guys dun get it do you. i said loads of times too. you ask me to be grateful you guys?? i am. i;m feeling the attachment with you guys for like.. probably 1st time in my life. i am happy i am grateful. maybe thats why i'm trying so hard. i can see you guys are trying too. i can so see. i'm not blind. just dun demand so much stuff at me at once. causse i hate control. you of all people should know that.

and the otehr this is.. i;d tell you the truth. i dun like staying home. at all. has. cause most of the time. all i hear is. scoldings. naggings. crying. screaming. throwing tantrums. stomping. sad faces. angry faces. tell me. when is it. one day all of us. sit together. laugh. joke. play. without any anything. it's usually joy. mummy screaming. joys sad face. she looks like shes gonna cry. wenlin angry wenlin crying. daddy scolding him. i'm pissed. mummy's nagging. every night. if you were me. what would you do. laughing with your friends?? playing?? or.. actually going home to face this mess.

define.FREEDOM

thoguh my life's really different..
half without you.
but i still love it.

though deep down i know.
that the old's still better.

=))

define.FREEDOM

has. audition.. was.. hahas. fine
lols. i dunnoe what else to say.
the results are out on monday.
hahas.
didn catch the whole routine.
was nervous i guess.
but it was alright. hahas.
i hope i get in.
but if i do.
den.. requires loads of commitment.

busy busy week.
school officially started. =))
finally i took the time to hang out with may and they all.
hahas. dinner at chomp chomp!!!
this sun. like one year aniversary
O~ O~ O~ Ophix.. =))

Phantos too. =))
And my classmates. =DD
something's missing though.
right. my relationship.
it's like going down the drain.
hahas. hmmmss. orh ok.
ermm.. nth to say. hahas

skip dance whole of this week
come on la. i need a break from dance.
hahas. like will die you know.
today going out with phantos. and dinner with xinyi later!!

sentosa with xinyi and guys tml. =)) yeahh. hahas.
=)) like finally. get to hang out with them.
hey i'm sorry guys. know i haven been there much.
hmmmss. i'd manage my time more properly. haha.

and and and.. sunday's chruch. dance and chomp chomp!!
dies~~
packed la.
like so packed.
need a break. and some sleep.

oh oh~~
and i saw edna at dnace auditions. hahas.
we happen to be in the same batch.
hahas. =)) lols.

i'm still sick.
...

define.FREEDOM