rules.of.FREEDOM

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rules
rules
rules
rules
rules

soul.set.free

Hi I'm Melody
18 this year, coming 19. ((:
I'm a Virgo. ((:
I'm born on 4th September
And I wanna be a vet
Birthstone Sapphire. ((:
And morning glory.

speak.your.FREEDOM

I love to express myself. I love dancing.
I love singing. I love animals.
I love modeling. I love reading!
I love French people. I love the language Spanish
I love my piano. I love my 200 dollars racket.
I love my crazy family. I love my dearest friends.
I love him, Jesus. I love witting love poems.
I love the warmth in making people smile.
I love people who love me. HAHA.
I love people who are true to their hearts.

join.the.FREED

free one
free two
free three
free four
free five
free six
free seven
free eight
free nine
free ten

express.FREEDOM

three years of sad confinement
my life is finally falling into alignment
i run out of the cage to greet the sun
and to my new home i will run
fall to the soft grass and heck care to the world
this long awaited life will unfurl
close my eyes and smile so deeply
with the wind blowing so swiftly
a gentle feeling;
yet such twist
the scent of freedom
it does exist...

unfreed.PAST

March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009

freedom.SONG

credits: playlist.com

thanks.for.FREE

designer
blogskins
deviantart.com
adobe photoshop imageready

I had fun today. ((:
I guess that's whats it's about no? ((: YEAHS. ((:

It doesn't matter anymore.
I just wanna have fun now. ((:
Hopefully. I won get stressed again tml. HAHA. ((:
It's really on and off. ((: LOLS. ((:

Zzz. Gonna sleep early. Zzz.

Tml at 11. Wee.


Bad habits to kick:
-The really blur face.
-Be early.
-Emotional control. ((:

define.FREEDOM

Dope~!!! I'm running a fever now. (((((((((:

Wells. Sleep early I guess. ((:



List of things to do:
-Find supplier for blog shop.
-Design my own room.
-Practise my piano.
-Cut my damn fringe


Zzz. Maybe tml. ((:

define.FREEDOM

I woke up with screams and shouts hurled at each other between mummy and daddy.
I don't know what to think.
Except thank God my brother is gone for Ncc.
So damn messed up.

But I felt okay luh. Overall. ((:
Things in my family's getting a little messy again. -.-
Ahhh. Wellls. Screw it. ((: It'll tide over.

Dance was okay. Just normal.
I'd get myself back by Monday. ((:
Need to get used to the no mirrors thing. ((:



It's one of the days when you feel like. You suck in dance.
And everyone hates you? Cause of the little stuff they do.
Roll eyes and such. I know. I don't think I'm well liked there. But I'm facing it.
Everyday. for dance. I will. Be happy. Full out. And try to ignore. It's hard.
But no. I don't want anyone to comfort me. Not becasue I don't wanna burden people.
But I really want to get out of this myself.
I really really need to get myself back.
And I will dwell in this for like 5 hours or one bloody day if it means getting out of this myself.





Finding back the old me.
I really miss myself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Yes. You all still mean something to me.
Occasionally. I'd think back and smile. ((:
It's been awhile. ((:

But there's still a place for you guys in my heart. ((:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.






One step at a time. ((:


define.FREEDOM

Lols. I knew Joey was gonna shoot me.
Damn badly. ((:
But I know she has a reason to.
HAHA. I won feel the pinch if she does it nicely.
And she knows. LOLS.

Ahhh. I was upset.
But I didn let it run all over my face. ((:
Yeahs. ((: ((:

And yah. I'm gonna bounce. PROPERLY.
Like 1/2 hour before I sleep or something every night.
And I'd try to go early and correct my aliment tml.
I think I'm blind cause. I cant see the difference.
I SWEAR. I AM BLIND. LOL.
But I'd learn how to see? I have to no? LOL.



Love. I haven't touched on that. In awhile.
I foresee. I'm gonna have problem falling in love again.
I'm damn afraid of commitment now.
Yah. 1st time. I know.
Yah. and gen's right. I guess. I cant really forgive myself yet.
For letting myself fall into this state.


I realise. I don't miss or love anyone now.
But myself. The strong, quiet, caring and happy me back.
The time when martin was found in my room?
We weren't doing anything. We were just talking?
And my dad slapped me.
And I didn't cry at all?
Yah. Those times. Those steel times. ((: LOLS.


I miss myself. I really want myself back now.


And I realise. I don't need thousands of friends now.
Just main groups of people. ((:
The attention I require to feel loved is like significantly lesser.
Lols. ((: I kind of solve my own problems now.
With help of God. Of course.
That shows what? I've recovered no? ((:
And stuff. ((: It's like re-growing up all over again. ((:


-.- And no. When I get myself back. I won't ever lose it again.
For anyone.
That's what I learnt. ((:

Thanks to all. Who walked me through this far. ((:
I'd never made it without any of you guys. ((:



LOLS. RB. JUST FLIP THE GIRL LUH.
You can do it one. ((:

define.FREEDOM

There are a lot of emotions running through me now.
No it's not love.
No it's not care.
None at all in fact.

It's hatred and URGGHHH.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I hate myself.
For not catching steps today.
For being stupid. For being slow.

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
I HATE MYSELF.

(*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@

Whatever it is.
It won't affect my dance tml.
I promise.

I need to have more emotional control.
It can't just PIAK all over my face.


URRRGHHHH. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKK.
)(*&^%$#@@#$%)(*&^$#@#$%^&
fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I hate myself.

Urgh. Damn it.
JUST KEEP IT IN GIRL.
No matter how much you wanna vomit it out.
Just fucking keep it in.

define.FREEDOM

((: I apologised to Joel today.
I swear. Took a lot of guts to admit that you're in the wrong.
But I'm happy I managed to do it. ((:
At least there is a proper closure to this situation. ((:

I went home with a lot of thoughts today.
The world is such a computed place.
))))))))))))):

Sighs. Destines intertwined.
Is it God's saying? Or your own?
Becasue you gave it up.
That's why God doesn't think you deserve it.
Or no matter how much you try. You'd never get it.
Is it fate? Or like. Just coincidence?
God's will? Or built by your own hands?
I really have no idea.
But one thing one can decide.
If it is worth the price or not.

Love. What really is it?
But love can't survive alone can it?
It needs individual ambitions, goals, dreams. added with love.
Then it will flourish.
I guess it's like a baby, you pay too much attention to it.
You will spoil it.
Cause. It's in human nature to take what you have for granted.

I guess. after everything. That's what I learnt. ((:
Don't get stepped on.


There are loads of stuff. a lot of stuff.
I want to say straight forward-ly.
But I'd never do it at the expense of hurting you.

define.FREEDOM

List of things to do:
-brush up on my dance.
-get my bloody laptop fixed
-design my own room.

Say tic tac people.
As fast as you can.
Becasue thats the speed my lappie ons and off itself.
NO. it crashed on meeeeee.
Wth right? ((: LOLS.

Bryant came over at like 12 am the night before.
HAHAS. he got chased out of house.
Lols. baby. ((: HAHA.
We chatted till 4am.

Then then then then..

Colin that ass. called me at 6am.
ASS. 6am?? 6 am??
So I dragged my ass down to clark kuey
Apparently one of the model assistant's disappeared.
So have to stand in. -.-

No photos allowed. )):I got pics of clark kuey though. HAHA.
You guys want? LOL.

Rushed down for daddy and mummy's line dance class. (((:
Went to see. ((: LOL. ((:
It was a pleasant surprise for them?
It's nice. To make someone's day. ((:

camwhored. a little. ((:


Den headed down for a spa. DOPE~~ AHH.
hahhaa. Lol.
My bro says I ook like I'm in a hotel room waiting to be bedded or something. LOL. --.--

Zzz. Dance in 2 hours. Dope. Go back to sleep 1st. ((:

define.FREEDOM

I got kicked out of tml's roadshow.
))))))))))))))))))))))):
Lols. Cause he put me as inactive becasue of dance.
BOOOOO. )): LOLS.

Dance was dope. Really enjoyed myself like hell.
Went song and song. Is it spelled like that?
LOLS. bought myself sweat pants. ((:

I sewed the rubber in. ((:
yeahs~~!!!So proud of myself. HAHA.

And to say. I LOVE SERENE. JAS AND. CARMEN LOADS.
hugs~~!!!!


Rushed down to meet cousins~~!!!
Celebrate birthday. ((:

Bowling. K box. Buffet dinner.
Pics will be up soon~!!!
Loves the birthday boy. ((:
He's so cute luh. So shyy. ((: And my cousins.
Dope people.

Piano scheduled tml.
Rawr. Lazy. )): Lol.

define.FREEDOM

fuck you

define.FREEDOM

As I was walking back.
I saw this grandma and grandpa.
They were lugging heavy bags to be thrown away.

And surprisingly, her daughter is just on her phone. like. 30 plus?
And furthermore signaling them to hurry up and stuff.
She was just laughing on the phone and being totally oblivious to the situation.

What the freak. Honestly. What the freak.
What the *uck. Whta kind of a daughter are you?
And I though I was bad.

I went to help in the end.

And I saw their gratidtude? ((:
And the warmth I felt is enough to make my whole day.




Dance was dope. Had a lot of fun.
It's my only outlet of emotions.
Its the only place I am truely happy.


I called xinyi. Caught up with her.
Miss them a lot. )): aww.
I love dnace. But I hate the commitment required.
Rawr. )):

Next thurs.

Haha. It's supposed to be a-laugh-at-him-show. ((:
LOLS. ((:

I can't wait for tml to be over.
I am finally free.



This cute American guy added me online. ((:
Lols. and he's so cool. So darn open ((:
I told him all my relationships and stuff like in like a day?
I know its a normal thing for liangaho but yah.

HAHAS. cool dude. ((:


After concert I promise myself, I'm venturing out into the streets.
I dunnoe how. Or if I will survive.
But I will do it.


Just ignore it. Just ignore it. You know it's your fault anyway.
So just ignore it and stay strong.

define.FREEDOM

I'm back at 5.15!!!!
Lols. Dope no? Its like home confinement people.
Rawr. But I have only myself to blame I guess. LOLS.

I was happy.
I went to dance. Enjoyed myself like hell. ((:
Rushed down to school. Look for teacher for help.

Went down to studio. For briefing of roadshow. Rawr~~
But rejected it. HAHA. Cause it was on performance day. -.-

Headed home.

define.FREEDOM

Each day I am able to step into the studio. Is joy to me.
I'm grounded and the fact my parents does not know I'm still dancing?
Adds on to the joy. That I am still able to be here.
Reminds me to be grateful. Of what I have.

So even though. I danced only once today. and didn full out.
I felt really happy. That I can be here.
Its dangerous. I get it. I might die. I get it.
But to ask me not to dance. For something which I didn deserve in the 1st place.
Is madness for me.

HAHA. You'd probably see a crazy girl running across the freaking bridge.
HAHA. It's like a race with them. Who gets home 1st.
Bathed and changed. Kept my dirty clothes. ((: Lols.

I relaised I won't be able to commit as much into this musical.
Both becasue I'm not there yet. And I dun't have the time.
I just have more imprtant stuff to do. ((:


I'm really needing my religion. More and more.
I feel his presence. More and more each day.
I feel more and more loved. And a deeper conncetion which I can never understand.
I will never let God down. He somehow. Became, important enough for me.
Not to let down. (((:

Random.

And to Xinyi. Sc and Lh. I really love you a lot. ((:
For everything. For being with me every step of the way.
For being there when I always fall. And cry. Being a baby and all.
Nevr once find me trouble some.
And for being there to share my joy too.
You're the greatest bunch of friends I'd ever have.
For drinking with me. ((: Whenever I want to feel happy.
And for sending me home when I'm not sober.
Hugging me and comforting me. when I'm not sober, screaming and crying all the pain out.

I wouldn't have made it without you all.
I daresay. I'd give up. Almost anything for you guys. ((:
We've come through a long way.
And I would say. I never knew I could feel such love for my friends.
Or I never knew friends could ever mean so much to me.
You guys taught me that. And it;s something I'd never forget.

Jas. Serene. Fas.
Thanks for being there. Whenever I cry during dance.
Because of low self esteem issues.
It seems that everyday. I have some issues.
But thanks for never giving up on me.
Thanks for believing in me.
Even though it's not my time to prove everyone wrong now.
I will. After everything that needs to be done.

For the people who believe in me. Yes, I'd do you all proud.
Thats my promise to you all.

And yes. Gen, you're right, through this. I saw. Who is really there.
To hold your hand and walk you through this journey.
An esp big thank you to you too. You know why.



I found true friends.
And the beauty of it?
It's just.. can't be expressed in words.


Melody.

define.FREEDOM

Saturday. ((:

Okay. Those were all accusations.
Shoot your mouth off.
So I spent one whole day being tortured by my dad for it.
Doesn't mean I don't speak up means you're right.
I just can't be bothered anymore. To argue with you.

Whenever I say something, you'd say it's shit.
Whenever I dun't say something, you say I'm running from it.
What do you want from me?

He said he'd hit me till I admit to all his accusations.
He wants me to tell him the truth but he hits me to admit to his lies.
Becasue he asumes he is right.
And so he did. So I have scars on my legs. Tighs. Mostly.
And I'm grounded for something which I didn't do.

Whatever luh. This has been going on for like what? 2 weeks?
And the evidence is just there. Right in front of you.
You just chose it ignore it. Asshole. I even took it out in front of you.
But ha. You just kept switching topics. Bringing up old stuff.
And excepting me to compramise on behalf of the unrelated mistakes that I had done previously.
Some previous mistakes are true. Which I would gladly admit.

But some? Esp the past few month's? Is crap.


Disfigure me then. I don't care. That's what you threatened me right?
But I won't admit to something in which I think I am right.
And all the evidence is there.
No matter how much you hit me.
I will not do it.

define.FREEDOM

Today's a really bad day.
But I know I'd get through. ((:

define.FREEDOM

Urgh. Photoshoots. One last mon. Another on sunday.
I cant wait for my payday.
And my dman photos to come in. URGHH.
Muhahahahahs. (:



Like dance. I feel very low condidence. Why?
I need to pick myself up. Prove people wrong.

That I am not a fucking loser.

I might take a break tml or something?
Cause I cant go with this kind of mindset.
I gotta believe I'm good.

I'm steadily deproving. And I know it.



Caught up with xinyi, lh, and sc. ((:
On the phone with all of them. I LOVE THEM LOADS. ((:
And Gen~~ I love them loads.
Hugs~~ ((: I really love them.

define.FREEDOM

LOLS. I have no idea why I cried too.
I swear. My tear ducts suck.
They're like free flowing.
HAHAHHAHAHAS. ((:

I'm gonna sleep early tonight?
so I can feel the music tml. ((: LOLS.
I cant feel a thing today. LOLS.

I'm striving. I really am. But I feel I'm getting no where.

define.FREEDOM

I cried today..
Cause I felt really lousy I always screw up the timing..
And the fact that I always freak out?

I think I suck.

It's okay. People have those days.
I'd prove her wrong again tml.

It's a slowly but surely thing.



FAs because I have total faith in you. ((:

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Disappointment
Where Your life is Going
Looked down on
Commitment
Death
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_true_fear">What is your True Fear? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

dope luh. I knew knew I could be afraid of commitment.
XINYI~~~ ((: LOLS. seeee. I won get attached soon. HAHA.

Okay whatever.


define.FREEDOM

Lols. I DON'T HAVE A LIFE.
Ahhhhhhhhh~~~

How sad is that?
Dance is like from morning 9am to like 9pm kind of thing.

Went for cellgroup yesterday. ((:
I nearly slept in prayers. HAHAHAS.
Dear heavenly father..
Zzz. Zzz.
Ya. It was that bad.

I'm so shagged. I just woke up 1 hour ago and I feel like sleeping again.


Going out with vincent on tues.
I promised I'd go eat like all the best food with him before his army.

LOLS. Monday or Wed. movies day. With xinyi.
And Thurs, dim sum and drinking day.

I hope NO dance schedule changes.

define.FREEDOM

I felt shitty today.
I didn even dance. I didn even do anything.
I was so ready to prove everyone wrong.
And to improve. I practised really hard. Last night.

Den I was hoping gin would like. Okay street jazz people. Dance once kind of thing.
But it never came. It just never came?

And she hasn start on the lyrical piece?
I dun wnat it to start though. I just wnat her to put us in street jazz.
Yet I know I'm in that group. But I feel extrememly chucked aside?
She say she's not gonna chero anymore. Till like. next week or something.

And.. I'm just like. ...
I dunnoe I dun want to change the way she does stuff.
Becasue it is her. And I love her. Shes an awesome instructor.
But yet. I cant help the feeling of being chucked aside.

It just gets more and more difficult to brush that feeling everyday.

I'm gonna prove it. I can do it.

define.FREEDOM

Well. I guess I'm doing more than okay.
I really love my life now.
HAHA. ((:

Don't count my parents of course.

So I'm back early today.
Cause I'm gounded.




And I'm doing sexy faces in the mirror so my dance will improve.
HAHA. ((: LOLS. yeahs.


And now dear xinyi wants me to plan the next outing.
dim sum, shopping and alcohols..
I have perfect friends. ((: yeahs. ((:



I'm sorry. I dunt fucking entertain people who dun't reply.
Maybe thats why.
It's just so freaking rude of you.

define.FREEDOM

I FUCKING HATE MY PARENTS.

Thanks for accusing me time and time again.
Shooting your mouth off.
Of what you think is right.

I gave up fighting.

I'd just do whatever I want. Means going for dance.
Without any consent.

define.FREEDOM

Hmms. I saw him today.
And I survived it. Everything.
From the shitty akwardness. To everything.
I'm proud i didn run away in the end.

I felt like I was faking it at 1st.
My happiness. Lols. But at the end of the day.
I was really happy from my heart. ((:

Give me about a week?
I'd be used to seeing him like everyday.
Then soon it'll be nothing.

As for friends. I really dunnoe.
I'm giving myself another week. After that it doesn matter anymore.
I dun't hate him. But as of now. I dun't wanna be friends.
Is it the realisation I need more time? Or. HAHA.
Maybe I just can't deal with it now? Or.
I really do not like him. As a person.
I gotta really think man.
Before. I actually JUST AIYAH. TALK LUH.
Hahahahahhas. ((:
And myself into shitload of trouble again.


Fas and I met up. We took like 3 hours to decide our songs.
Cause we thought it was really important.
HAHA. ((: Set the styles we're gonna be training on.
And set freaking deadlines.

BOO deadlines.


Lyrical/Character
sounds cool. ((: I cant wait to get started. ((:
and of course my Ko night.
I will freestyle more.
Musciality. LOLS. I won stay there. ((:
I'd improve.


Piano's at 8pm tml. ((:
Modelling interview at 5pm?
Breaking at 6pm?
Training at 10am.


Nowadays. I have crazy schedules.

define.FREEDOM

Heh. ((: Today was a bad start. ((:
I jumped out of bed and literally ran to Simei.
Cause Alex and Gen were already waiting for me. HAHAHAS.
I'M SORRY GUYS.

Went for service. ((:
They talked about relationships. ((:

Top 5 needs for men and women. ((:
Why relationships breakdown?
And how to prevent it.
And kind of stuff. ((:

Hangout with them had lunch. Shopped at Orchard.

CORRECTION. wondow shopped at orchard. HAHAHAHHAS.
DAMN IT.

Met Terrance. finally. ((:
Met new guy Jude. Or I dunnoe how to spell his name.
Nice guy. really nice.
bought us a couple of drinks. ((:

Just when I was about to rest on bed. HAHAHAS.
I had to go down to simei. casue Gen's wallet was in my bag. HAHAHAS.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~ lols

I saw tiffyy there~~~~

HAHAHHAS. what are the odds rightt?? ((:
we caught up and stuff. Alex didn seem so quiet this time round.
LOLS. ((:

I love my friends. ((: lols. ((:






Feelings fade. Becasue of individual failure to protect it.
Extremely true.

define.FREEDOM